Much of my life is about overkill. I talk a lot here about the obsessive nature of my personality, and my struggles to temper it in certain aspects of my life. I get addicted to things and people, I move quickly through ideas and passions, and I act without thinking. What is a good idea in one moment is terrible in another, but for my lack of foresight and consideration I must accept the consequences. Usually these are mostly personal and have little effect on the people around me.
Except that sometimes they do.
I cannot wait to get back to a place in my life that doesn't focus entirely on me. I am craving the exhaustion of a classroom, the energy drain that one feels when you pour everything you have into a lesson and you come out used and dirty and ragged on the other side. I ache to have emotion outside of myself. I yearn for passion concerning something that isn't directly related to my life.
But for now, I am wrapped up in a frenzy of "last" things. Things that are close to my heart and necessary for the weeks ahead, but things that also affect other people. I am tired of being selfish. And I miss being balanced.
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