Friday, July 30, 2010

Vague Sense of Home

My life, especially in the last four years, has been incredibly transient. I have little sense of home anymore, resulting from the various places I have resided and become comfortable and felt at ease.

There is my childhood home in rural Michigan with all of the charms and frustrations of small-town life. This is my family home, the place I am familiar with, the location of my childhood memories.

There is my college home in central Indiana. Anderson was for me a place of discovery and growth and connection. It is the place I associate with my closest friends, and the development of self-knowledge and some sense of actualization in life.

And then there is Chicago. It represented my future, the person I wanted to be, the progress in life that I wanted to make. It was here that I thought I would find all of myself, or at least the rest of myself that seemed to be missing. After a year, I learned that a place, no matter it's draw, cannot completely sustain me.

I thought I was completely happy and content. I felt more at home here after two months than I did after 18 years in my hometown, and I was convinced for a very long time that I would stay here regardless of the career prospects. I am currently anticipating my departure from Chicago with some sense of urgency.

Things change, as they are naturally inclined to do in the life of a post-college, pre-career, unsettled person. I DO still want to settle here, I think- but a year somewhere else sounded really great too. Settling is not something I am ready for right now, anyway. Currently, this is the last place in the way of Romania. I have to leave this place before I can go. I will spend two crazy weeks at home, visiting Indiana and Marquette where my brother will go to college, and then I will return to this city as a visitor, driving straight to O'Hare and depart for another home.

When does the concept of "home" become more solid that it's current shade of vague?

*Update on neurosis* Every single dream I had last night was about greasy hair. I am currently researching strategies for preventing greasy hair, just a little problem I have that is completely managable. Totally unimportant in my everyday life, but still something I am trying to control. All in anticipation of traveling and the possible lack of shower opportunities during our first week in Bucharest. A WEE bit obsessive, no?

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