I have had very little opportunity to rest in the last four years. There have been brief periods of respite between school terms, or during breaks, but there was always something coming. I have had summer jobs that required a tremendous amount of energy (mentally or physically) and filled my time with activities and work and scholarship. And so every once in a while, usually after a week as stressful as this one, I need some rest and some help.
And every time it happens, I feel bad. I feel somehow inadequate, as if the need to withdraw is not something that I should experience. I should be more stabilized, more prepared to deal with the adult world, more independent. And every time, I am not. I rely on other people to pull me through the time of difficulty and hold my hand and help me function again. And I have wonderful friends and family that come to my aid without question.
But next year, I won't have that. I will still have the support system I do now, but they will all live here, not there. I cannot just call for a quick chat or rely on my parents to rescue me. There are so many unknowns about the coming year, but one particularly frightening one is the lack of help in these times that I need rejuvenation.