I had an awful, miserable kind of day yesterday. I'm not sure eactly what it was- the weather, having too much free time, being alone, dreading my class of terror, homesickness.
I had my worst teaching moment ever. It was completely out of control. I discovered that this class doesn't have books for some reason, and so my entire lesson plan was scrapped. I had two students out of 37 bring in homework. I was exactly the kind of teacher I don't want to be. I don't think that most of the students understand what I am saying, but those who do cause problems. I can teach and I can teach well- what I do in there is not teaching. It is yelling. I tried just ignoring it, but they get so loud and out of control it is disruptive to other classes. I have no idea what to do, other than what I did. Which was cry in the bathroom after my 40 minutes in hell was over.
I came home and just dwelled in the homesickness and lonliness. This is hard. I have people who are supporting me, but physical presence is just so different, so much more meaningful. I'm going back to see Dan in Timisoara during the American Thanksgiving Day weekend, and my dad comes 100 days from tomorrow. Other than that, I really have no idea when I am going to BE WITH familiar people, and it just all hit yesterday.
And then today, everything was better. The sun was out, my classes were magical, and I found some more beauty in this city. Just when you think everything is going to fall apart...