I'm not sure if it is because I'm getting sick or because I've been really missing connection with people lately or if it just a general feeling of homesickness and low spirits, but today was not a good day.
The problem is, when I feel like this, I usually have some sort of reason. I can usually identify the cause of my frustration or bad mood. I've got nothing today. Today was a good day, other than waking up a bit late and running to work. I suppose that never gets things off to a good start. Additionally, I was working on grades (any idea how long that takes with 21 classes?) and consequently missed my bathroom floor nap. I know this is a tiny little thing to complain about, but it really is 40 minutes during the week that I just... look forward to. Complete lunacy, I realize. Also, after a good amount of effort, my bathtub is still clogged and disgusting- just to add a little to the sunshine.
I guess I just realize every once in a while how little progress I feel like I'm making. I spent time tonight listening to someone try and fix this in my brain- but there are some things that cannot be fixed. I understand the situation. I realize that I essentially have 20-25 minutes a WEEK to work with these students. I'm aware of the face that I cannot form deep relationships with many kids that in turn aid management because I just don't have the time. Believe me- I know all of this. I know it in my head and in my heart, when I walk out of the classroom day after day just feeling like I "got by." This is not how I'm wired to operate.
Most of the time, I am good at understanding and letting myself "off the hook," as it were. Today is simply not one of those days.
Maybe tomorrow will be better. And the next post will certainly be more cheerful, because we're approaching a milestone, you and I. Be prepared.