I'm not sure if it is because I'm getting sick or because I've been really missing connection with people lately or if it just a general feeling of homesickness and low spirits, but today was not a good day.
The problem is, when I feel like this, I usually have some sort of reason. I can usually identify the cause of my frustration or bad mood. I've got nothing today. Today was a good day, other than waking up a bit late and running to work. I suppose that never gets things off to a good start. Additionally, I was working on grades (any idea how long that takes with 21 classes?) and consequently missed my bathroom floor nap. I know this is a tiny little thing to complain about, but it really is 40 minutes during the week that I just... look forward to. Complete lunacy, I realize. Also, after a good amount of effort, my bathtub is still clogged and disgusting- just to add a little to the sunshine.
I guess I just realize every once in a while how little progress I feel like I'm making. I spent time tonight listening to someone try and fix this in my brain- but there are some things that cannot be fixed. I understand the situation. I realize that I essentially have 20-25 minutes a WEEK to work with these students. I'm aware of the face that I cannot form deep relationships with many kids that in turn aid management because I just don't have the time. Believe me- I know all of this. I know it in my head and in my heart, when I walk out of the classroom day after day just feeling like I "got by." This is not how I'm wired to operate.
Most of the time, I am good at understanding and letting myself "off the hook," as it were. Today is simply not one of those days.
Maybe tomorrow will be better. And the next post will certainly be more cheerful, because we're approaching a milestone, you and I. Be prepared.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Crushing After College
For years, the majority of crushes I developed on men progressed in the following way:
Meet someone interesting or good looking- usually both.
Learn a tiny bit about them in real life. (Usually something like a good presentation or decent outfit...)
Return from classes and surreptitiously log onto Facebook, immediately searching for them by any means- first name, last name, mutual friends, email, networks.
Find said person and immediately check relationship status.
If single, proceed with thoughts of walks in the park holding hands or, you know, getting married. (Anything is possible, right?)
If dating, proceed with thoughts of walks in the park holding hands or, you know, getting married. (It's not real until there is a ring on her finger, right?)
If engaged, proceed with thoughts of walks in the park holding hands or, you know, getting married. (Engaged couples sometimes break up, right?)
If married, lose interest completely. (I've got SOME moral boundaries, and "homewrecker" is not a title I'm looking to add to the repertoire.)
At this point, if still interested and imagining what our future children would look like, proceed to "info" page. Check out various affiliations- political (that can shut my interest down in a quick second or turn me on completely), religious (no Satanists, but no Bible Thumpers either).
Make quick judgements about the person based on their taste in music, whether or not they have read (what I deem) good books, movie preferences, and their job and education history.
Make further judgements about their choice of degree- continue with interest for anything sociological in nature, become intrigued with those involved in science or mathematics, develop skeptical curiosity for arts majors, judge people in business or marketing as shallow and black-souled, and completely shut down the computer for any Christian Ministries majors.
If still interested at this point, continue on to look at the Facebook "Wall." A source of amazing stalker-quality information, determine social status based on wall postings. Get jealous of that really pretty girl who seems to be "friends" with all the guys, and notice whether or not family is important. Make judgements based on friends and recent activity.
This is where things become quite serious. Proceed first to profile pictures. A safe gateway into the visual world, this allows one to see what type of person they WANT to be seen as- fun, eccentric, artistic, serious, likable, sociable, alone, important- the list goes on. Immediately forget said person if their profile picture is taken from above with a cell phone camera, or one of those shirtless mirror photos. Pretend you accidently searched for them by mistake.
If still interested, proceed to "all pictures." This, friends, is where things get serious. This is where unflattering pictures (not physically, but situational- I'm talking crazy parties or video game shots) can either hurt them or kill them, depending on how well they match the above criteria. For instance, some unflattering pictures are okay if they are perfectly aligned with my political and religious views, interesting enough, enjoy good music, have a really great major, and choose profile pictures that are insightful without being overly narcissistic. However, if they have a dumb major and seem to be involved in stupid things and have a profile picture taken that just reeks of self-importance, there is no more stalking to be done.
If still interested (there were about 2 guys EVER who made it to this point), giggle and then proceed to check out their profile whenever possible. Grow intensely jealous of their female friends and never let them know you have a clue who they are. Because things would be seriously awkward if by some miracle you had an actual conversation with said person. "My favorite book is..." "Yeah, I know." See how things can get weird?
This is how I used to crush.
Men: If you are reading this and think I'm crazy, think again. The specifics of my crush progression might be off (some women are into vapid, shallow marketing majors :) but I promise that someone has done this to you at some point. If fact, depending on the person you are, there is a chance that some woman is doing this to you right now, as you read. Don't log into Facebook and do anything- you are just feeding the stalking frenzy.
Now, I develop interest in people who- (GET THIS)- I am not even friends with on Facebook. GASP. I get to know them over a period of time, not while sitting bleary eyed in front of the computer screen at 4 in the morning avoiding that research paper. I learn about their interests and their family and their lives and their goals and the person they are- judgement is still there, but it is a lot harder to shut someone down for superficial reasons if they are speaking with you and know you exist. I have no idea what their father looks like (and therefore no gauge for their eventual aging process) and develop a relationship with their personality, not their friends and their Facebook activity.
I kind of like it.
I think I've matured, yes? I'm not saying this new way is better- I'm just commenting on the difference :)
Meet someone interesting or good looking- usually both.
Learn a tiny bit about them in real life. (Usually something like a good presentation or decent outfit...)
Return from classes and surreptitiously log onto Facebook, immediately searching for them by any means- first name, last name, mutual friends, email, networks.
Find said person and immediately check relationship status.
If single, proceed with thoughts of walks in the park holding hands or, you know, getting married. (Anything is possible, right?)
If dating, proceed with thoughts of walks in the park holding hands or, you know, getting married. (It's not real until there is a ring on her finger, right?)
If engaged, proceed with thoughts of walks in the park holding hands or, you know, getting married. (Engaged couples sometimes break up, right?)
If married, lose interest completely. (I've got SOME moral boundaries, and "homewrecker" is not a title I'm looking to add to the repertoire.)
At this point, if still interested and imagining what our future children would look like, proceed to "info" page. Check out various affiliations- political (that can shut my interest down in a quick second or turn me on completely), religious (no Satanists, but no Bible Thumpers either).
Make quick judgements about the person based on their taste in music, whether or not they have read (what I deem) good books, movie preferences, and their job and education history.
Make further judgements about their choice of degree- continue with interest for anything sociological in nature, become intrigued with those involved in science or mathematics, develop skeptical curiosity for arts majors, judge people in business or marketing as shallow and black-souled, and completely shut down the computer for any Christian Ministries majors.
If still interested at this point, continue on to look at the Facebook "Wall." A source of amazing stalker-quality information, determine social status based on wall postings. Get jealous of that really pretty girl who seems to be "friends" with all the guys, and notice whether or not family is important. Make judgements based on friends and recent activity.
This is where things become quite serious. Proceed first to profile pictures. A safe gateway into the visual world, this allows one to see what type of person they WANT to be seen as- fun, eccentric, artistic, serious, likable, sociable, alone, important- the list goes on. Immediately forget said person if their profile picture is taken from above with a cell phone camera, or one of those shirtless mirror photos. Pretend you accidently searched for them by mistake.
If still interested, proceed to "all pictures." This, friends, is where things get serious. This is where unflattering pictures (not physically, but situational- I'm talking crazy parties or video game shots) can either hurt them or kill them, depending on how well they match the above criteria. For instance, some unflattering pictures are okay if they are perfectly aligned with my political and religious views, interesting enough, enjoy good music, have a really great major, and choose profile pictures that are insightful without being overly narcissistic. However, if they have a dumb major and seem to be involved in stupid things and have a profile picture taken that just reeks of self-importance, there is no more stalking to be done.
If still interested (there were about 2 guys EVER who made it to this point), giggle and then proceed to check out their profile whenever possible. Grow intensely jealous of their female friends and never let them know you have a clue who they are. Because things would be seriously awkward if by some miracle you had an actual conversation with said person. "My favorite book is..." "Yeah, I know." See how things can get weird?
This is how I used to crush.
Men: If you are reading this and think I'm crazy, think again. The specifics of my crush progression might be off (some women are into vapid, shallow marketing majors :) but I promise that someone has done this to you at some point. If fact, depending on the person you are, there is a chance that some woman is doing this to you right now, as you read. Don't log into Facebook and do anything- you are just feeding the stalking frenzy.
Now, I develop interest in people who- (GET THIS)- I am not even friends with on Facebook. GASP. I get to know them over a period of time, not while sitting bleary eyed in front of the computer screen at 4 in the morning avoiding that research paper. I learn about their interests and their family and their lives and their goals and the person they are- judgement is still there, but it is a lot harder to shut someone down for superficial reasons if they are speaking with you and know you exist. I have no idea what their father looks like (and therefore no gauge for their eventual aging process) and develop a relationship with their personality, not their friends and their Facebook activity.
I kind of like it.
I think I've matured, yes? I'm not saying this new way is better- I'm just commenting on the difference :)
Monday, December 6, 2010
Holiday Plans
Some of you who have been reading this blog from the beginning can probably skip through my introduction here, because it really just is going to be repetitive.
Friends, I'm a planner. I plan things- I plan my life and my career and my day. I can change my plans, certainly (HELLO, Romania) but I like to know what is going on a decent amount of time before it happens.
I've recently had someone stumble into my life who has helped me relax a bit in this way, and I'll forever be thankful for that influence- but I'm still a planner at heart.
Now is an acceptable time to post about my plans for the holiday, yeah?
First of all, I'd like to say that I just have an incredible amount of wonderful people in my life. Here we go.
December 23- Leave my apartment in Bucharest at around 6:30 in the morning, and arrive in Detroit that night around 5:30, helped in part by the 7 hour time difference, involving the rotation of the earth on it's axis and other things I don't quite understand. I'm going to be exhausted.
December 24- Bake goodies all day long, as this is primarily what I have to offer the various groups of people I will be seeing over the next 9 days. I could bring things home from Romania, but Bucharest doesn't really have special things like that- and who doesn't want some cookies baked with love? Hang out with the H~ family, something I am probably more excited about than I should be. All of them, too- M~ included!
December 25- I think this day has some sort of special meaning.
December 26- Leave for western Michigan (not to be confused with Western Michigan, though I WILL pass that on the way to my destination in western Michigan) for the start of what I'm sure will be a wonderful trip. Meeting new people is rather exciting for me.
December 27- Hang out in Holland with a group of people who help me to keep breathing sometimes- P~ and R~ and C~ and C~ and A~ and L~ all in one lovely cottage, eating goodies and sharing love.
December 28- Leave early in the morning and drive to Aunt D~ and Uncle G~ house just south of Chicago. Happy holidays, family! Meet my family there (J~ included) and then go to our hotel in the Loop. Eat loads of food (see previous blog) and have fun in the Chicago Winter Wonderland.
December 29- Eat breakfast at Lou Mitchells and then leave the city, headed for Granger Indiana and the home of G~, M~, L~, M~ and C~. Spend time with them talking and laughing and playing games (I'm sure).
December 30- Wrestling invitational at Comstock. Joy of my heart, but at least I'll get to see E~ wrestle once this year. Plus, I was really starting to miss the smell of adolescent boy sweat that has permeated those mats. Delicious.
December 31- Spend a quiet evening with my dear L~ watching movies and talking and toasting the new year.
January 1- WOW... I have no idea what I'm going to do on this day. Probably take my lovely mother out for her Christmas present (if she reads this far in the blog she'll probably have an idea of what she is getting) and then maybe go and see a movie with my brothers C~ and E~ because we all know I'm the coolest and they love me the most. If they don't share this sentiment I'll guilt them somehow- the "I live in Romania" card is predicted to appear.
January 2- Get on a plane in Detroit at 9:30 in the evening.
I'm a planner, and I've got mad plans. This is going to be the best Christmas Vacation EVER. I'm determined.
Seriously though- even if things don't work out quite as well as I have planned for, I still have an incredible week filled with people who help me to find beauty and joy and humor and love and hope when I need it most. Who could ask for more than that, and in all honestly, isn't this what Christmas is about?
Friends, I'm a planner. I plan things- I plan my life and my career and my day. I can change my plans, certainly (HELLO, Romania) but I like to know what is going on a decent amount of time before it happens.
I've recently had someone stumble into my life who has helped me relax a bit in this way, and I'll forever be thankful for that influence- but I'm still a planner at heart.
Now is an acceptable time to post about my plans for the holiday, yeah?
First of all, I'd like to say that I just have an incredible amount of wonderful people in my life. Here we go.
December 23- Leave my apartment in Bucharest at around 6:30 in the morning, and arrive in Detroit that night around 5:30, helped in part by the 7 hour time difference, involving the rotation of the earth on it's axis and other things I don't quite understand. I'm going to be exhausted.
December 24- Bake goodies all day long, as this is primarily what I have to offer the various groups of people I will be seeing over the next 9 days. I could bring things home from Romania, but Bucharest doesn't really have special things like that- and who doesn't want some cookies baked with love? Hang out with the H~ family, something I am probably more excited about than I should be. All of them, too- M~ included!
December 25- I think this day has some sort of special meaning.
December 26- Leave for western Michigan (not to be confused with Western Michigan, though I WILL pass that on the way to my destination in western Michigan) for the start of what I'm sure will be a wonderful trip. Meeting new people is rather exciting for me.
December 27- Hang out in Holland with a group of people who help me to keep breathing sometimes- P~ and R~ and C~ and C~ and A~ and L~ all in one lovely cottage, eating goodies and sharing love.
December 28- Leave early in the morning and drive to Aunt D~ and Uncle G~ house just south of Chicago. Happy holidays, family! Meet my family there (J~ included) and then go to our hotel in the Loop. Eat loads of food (see previous blog) and have fun in the Chicago Winter Wonderland.
December 29- Eat breakfast at Lou Mitchells and then leave the city, headed for Granger Indiana and the home of G~, M~, L~, M~ and C~. Spend time with them talking and laughing and playing games (I'm sure).
December 30- Wrestling invitational at Comstock. Joy of my heart, but at least I'll get to see E~ wrestle once this year. Plus, I was really starting to miss the smell of adolescent boy sweat that has permeated those mats. Delicious.
December 31- Spend a quiet evening with my dear L~ watching movies and talking and toasting the new year.
January 1- WOW... I have no idea what I'm going to do on this day. Probably take my lovely mother out for her Christmas present (if she reads this far in the blog she'll probably have an idea of what she is getting) and then maybe go and see a movie with my brothers C~ and E~ because we all know I'm the coolest and they love me the most. If they don't share this sentiment I'll guilt them somehow- the "I live in Romania" card is predicted to appear.
January 2- Get on a plane in Detroit at 9:30 in the evening.
I'm a planner, and I've got mad plans. This is going to be the best Christmas Vacation EVER. I'm determined.
Seriously though- even if things don't work out quite as well as I have planned for, I still have an incredible week filled with people who help me to find beauty and joy and humor and love and hope when I need it most. Who could ask for more than that, and in all honestly, isn't this what Christmas is about?
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Success
I've recently stumbled upon the amazing site known as Wordle- it makes "clouds" from words you paste into the site. So cool.
This is one of my very favorite quotes, by Emerson:
"To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a child, a garden, or a redeemed social condition, to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
Another, by Jonathan Kozol:
"The best of teachers are not merely the technicians of proficiency, they are also ministers of innocence, practitioners of tender expectations... teachers like these believe that every child who has been intrusted to their care comes into their classroom with inherent value to begin with."
This is one of my very favorite quotes, by Emerson:
"To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a child, a garden, or a redeemed social condition, to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
Another, by Jonathan Kozol:
"The best of teachers are not merely the technicians of proficiency, they are also ministers of innocence, practitioners of tender expectations... teachers like these believe that every child who has been intrusted to their care comes into their classroom with inherent value to begin with."
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Christgiving
This past weekend I went to Timişoara to celebrate the holiday season with Dan and other people in his life. We called our celebration "Christgiving," and we were bound and determined to do things the right way. We ended up with an American/Romanian/Turkish/Asian feast...
It really was an incredible weekend of friends and fun- we went and saw the new Harry Potter movie (eh...), played games, walked a lot in the rain, drank cappuccinos, and ATE.
The cookfest started when Dan and I went to the store and got nearly everything we needed, sans celery, ice cream, and… oh yeah… turkey. We returned back to his apartment and I got started with the cooking, while he ran to another store to try and find turkey. He returned with celery and ice cream, and set off again to find some turkey. He walked about 40 minutes to the biggest supermarket in town and found ONE turkey, but it weighed 7.5 kilograms, and totally would not have fit in his oven. He bought a chicken instead and some turkey cutlets.
It really was an incredible weekend of friends and fun- we went and saw the new Harry Potter movie (eh...), played games, walked a lot in the rain, drank cappuccinos, and ATE.
The cookfest started when Dan and I went to the store and got nearly everything we needed, sans celery, ice cream, and… oh yeah… turkey. We returned back to his apartment and I got started with the cooking, while he ran to another store to try and find turkey. He returned with celery and ice cream, and set off again to find some turkey. He walked about 40 minutes to the biggest supermarket in town and found ONE turkey, but it weighed 7.5 kilograms, and totally would not have fit in his oven. He bought a chicken instead and some turkey cutlets.
While he was gone, I peeled potatoes, toasted bits of bread for stuffing, prepared the vegetables for the stuffing, made some chicken stock, made the gravy, made the glaze, made the stuffing, made the mashed potatoes, and got the green beans ready.
When Dan got back with the chicken, I was kind of sad because it looked so empty inside. Thanks to the lovely A~, we cooked it for about 30 minutes in salt water, while I made a mixture of rice, onions, paprika, and celery to stuff it with. A~ mixed up some tomato paste with garlic to spread over it, and then we used the cola glaze to pour it over the rest of the chicken. We put that into the oven, having NO idea how it would turn out.
I peeled and cut the apples for the apple crisp, and started to make it, spilling an ENTIRE bag of sugar in the process- it was a bit of a disaster, but kind of fun as well. We had that ready to put into the oven when the chicken was done, to cook during dinner.
While the chicken was cooking I grilled the turkey cutlets with some oil, paprika, and salt. They were delicious. I also cooked the corn and the green beans, and reheated the gravy, the stuffing, and the mashed potatoes.
It was GOOD.
Basically- we did this thing RIGHT, and had a really wonderful meal together. The first time I cooked an entire Thanksgiving feast nearly by myself, but... hey, it worked out pretty well.
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