Life is Cold

I would say that I'm experiencing some pretty severe mood swings lately, but that isn't a great analogy. Neither is that of a rollercoaster- it is not nearly as unpredictable as a thrill ride. Rather, it is a lot like a bungee jump with an initial fall and slow bounces, decreasing to a constant state. Except that the eventual constant state involves hanging upside down, and bungee jumping is an adventure sport I swore I'd never try.

I know that I shouldn't feel so incredibly discouraged. I know that I have an incredible store of blessings and experiences and opportunities and supportive people to call on. I know (well, I believe) that these things are happening with purpose and that there is a massive lesson I've just not learned yet... but I'm struggling. I'm struggling to recover from a place that drained me emotionally, and a place I still miss immensely. I'm struggling to find a job and turn off the negative thoughts that nearly had me applying at IHOP. I'm struggling to find physical healing for my ankle. I'm struggling to stay emotionally stable and healthy, to remain connected and engaged, to get out of bed in the morning. I'm struggling to express appropriate feelings towards people who want to help me, people who are trying to love me, and even people who do things that annoy me. I'm struggling.

In the heat of everything yesterday (temperature and emotionally), my mom and I decided that life is cold.

And the cup isn't half full anymore- but at least it is only three-quarters empty. I need someone to fill me up.

Life Sans Convenience

Life here in Romania isn't totally backward or anything. I have blazing fast internet in my apartment when the power doesn't go out, and it usually only takes me about 2 or 3 tries to light the oven. I just put on more layers when it gets cold, and make up lessons that don't require the use of paper because this is a school system without copy machines.

I'm pretty low maintenance... these things are all okay with me.

I was talking with someone last week about all of these little life adjustments that I've, quite honestly, just gotten used to. I mentioned something about having to hang my clothing, and he was like, "You don't have a dryer?" I then launched into this explanation:

Well, I do have a dryer, I just don't know how to use it. It is a combination washer and dryer, and I cannot figure out how to get the "dryer" part of it to run. The reason I know it is both is because when I did my first load of laundry back in September, the machine went through a whole cycle, but when I opened it up, the clothing hadn't been washed- they were all dry. I messed around with some settings and the next time, it came out dry again. Once more I tried it, and it finally washed the clothing- but now I cannot figure out how to get back to it being a dryer.

This person asked me to give him the make and model of my unit, and he very kindly investigated it for me. He says it took only about 30 minutes, I doubt this... but his findings the next day...

"Sooooooooo... AWE 6514... your washing machine is a washing machine is a washing machine"

"Not a dryer?"

"Nope."

"I really have nothing to say right now."

"Nothing to say, just going to have to keep hang drying."

This has been your Stephanie moment of the week, presented to you by... the shame of my father.

Adjustments

There are many minor adjustments that accompany any sort of move overseas. Here are a few of mine thus far:

1. No shower curtains. As confirmed by D~ in his new apartment in Timisoara, Romanians do not use shower curtains, apparently. It works out alright, just a little adjustment.

2. Sleep. My sleep schedule is a disaster. I am awake late, exhausted in the afternoon, and have woken up between 5 and 7 am since Wednesday morning.

3. Time. I am still figuring out the time difference. I know it in my head, but it is odd to talk to someone and have them discuss the breakfast they just went to, as I am contemplating dinner.

4. Time. Romanians, even here in the bustling city of Bucharest, just take things... slowly. It works out, just not in my timing.

5. Language. I'm not even going to go here.

6. Streets and addresses. I have lived here since Tuesday evening and I still have just a faint grasp of where in the city I live, and what street I live on. I can figure out my way around the area, sure- but to tell you where I live? No way! I can't even pronounce the name of the metro station on the corner near my flat. And the map of Bucharest looks like a bowl of spaghetti noodles.

I am going to try and post a video a bit later of my apartment- hope it works!